No, you might be surprised by who needs a good headshot at some point in their career. Authors need them for promotional materials and book jackets. Business executives need them for marketing or press. Designers of all kinds need headshots too. The difference is, for a model or an actor the headshot is the all-important tool used to get work, whereas those other people usually need a headshot after they’ve secured work. It’s an important distinction because actors, models and other people in the image business have a lot more at stake when it comes to selecting just the right photos.

Why are headshots so important? Can’t I use a good snapshot I have lying around?

You could, but don’t expect to get any work if you do! Your headshot speaks volumes about you and has to represent you when you’re no longer in the room. The quality of the photo you submit for consideration has to be top-notch. If your photo is amateurish, the depth your of experience, dedication and maturity as a professional will be suspect. Beyond that, the reason headshots are usually 8″x10″ is so you can staple your resume and other info to the back of it. They are also easy to file, so casting agents will hold on to them for future reference. You should also have a copy that you can add to emails as well for internet submissions. Snapshots are more likely to be thrown out.

What’s the difference between a headshot and a comp card? Do I need both?

A headshot is one picture that shows your best natural self from mid chest to the top of your head. It should be a great photograph representing how you would look at an audition: no glamour, just you looking your best. A comp card is usually 6″x9″ and has between two and five photos of you in a variety of settings and looks. It’s printed on both sides; usually there’s a large photo and your name on one side and smaller photos on the other side. The point of a comp card is to illustrate your range of feasible looks. Having a comp card is good, especially if you are trying to get fashion and advertising work. Actors and those that plan to go to castings for movie roles or TV commercials, a good headshot is essential. If you can only afford one, go with the headshot.

How can I pick the right photographer?

The answer to this varies depending on your budget. If you have no budget, you’ll need to find a photographer wanting to do “test for prints.” This is a mutually beneficial arrangement wherein you get photos and the photographer gets a free model. The free photographer isn’t necessarily the right photographer, however. Keep in mind that this is an investment in your future, and you tend to get what you pay for. Find someone with a good reputation who has worked with the casting directors and agencies you want to appeal to. The best way to choose photographers is to meet with several one-on-one. You should look over their work and spend some time chatting with them. Photography can be a very intimate and vulnerable process, and the photographer is going to be your partner in this process, so the vibe you get from him or her is very important. Pay attention to your instincts, and chances are you’ll know when you’ve found someone you would like to work with.

Should my headshot be in color or black and white?

Good question. Black and white used to be the standard, and it still is for theater actors, but the industry has been moving toward a preference for color headshots. You have to decide what look you’re going for and what message you want your picture to send. Work with a digital photographer to have it both ways; a digital photo in color can always be converted to black and white later.

What should I wear?

Nothing too trendy – you don’t want your picture to look dated due to the whims of fashion. Sticking with solid-colored pieces is the safest way to go, and the classic all-American look is the most common. Definitely avoid loud patterns and writing or obvious designer labels. If you are an actor, be sure that your outfits are appropriate for the types of roles you seek. If you plan to do a headshot shoot of three different looks, make sure you bring at least five different tops. Your photographer might feel that certain articles of clothing will work better than others, so it’s better to bring more than what you need.

How should I do my hair and makeup?

If you normally wear your hair curly, don’t straighten it for your headshot and vice versa. As far as makeup, the natural look is always good. Elements that you think are flaws, like freckles, wrinkles or beauty marks, might be exactly what agents and casting people are looking for! Don’t cover that up with makeup: anyone in the business knows that coverage is always an option, but it’s much more difficult to add what is not there than it is to cover what is there. The thing you want to avoid is appearing completely different in your headshot than you do in person.

But I want to look as gorgeous as possible, right?

You want to look like the best version of yourself, but within reason! Extreme hair and makeup are only appropriate if you want to sell yourself in a specific niche market, and that means limiting your possibilities. Ideally your headshot will communicate exactly who you are. I assure you, clients are annoyed when a headshot has been “glammed up” to the point where it looks nothing like the person in real life or on camera. If a headshot leads to a meeting and you don’t look anything like the person the client was expecting to see, everyone’s time is wasted.

What kind of jewelry should I wear?

You don’t have to wear any at all, but if you really must, stud earrings are the only item that I would approve.

What’s a good background for a headshot?

A good background is a neutral background. The background will usually wind up soft and out of focus, but you don’t want something that will distract the eye. If you’re shooting outside, try a brick wall, a shaded area of a park, an alleyway with everything blurred out in the background.

(Adults) Should I try to look older or younger? Aren’t younger people more in demand?

Not necessarily, that’s a big misconception. You should try to look your age. There’s work out there for everybody.

(Kids) Should I try to look older? Won’t the headshot last longer that way?

No. If you’re wearing too much makeup, there’s no way for casting directors to see your true face underneath. It’s harder to imagine you in different roles if you’ve already assigned yourself one.

How often should children get new headshots?

Children should update their headshots at least once a year. Kids change so quickly, and again, it’s important for one’s headshot to demonstrate one’s current look. However, if you have a good headshot that continues to get you work, keep using it. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

How should I prepare for my headshot photo session?

If you have any plans to change your look, as in chop off or color your hair, do it before you get the headshots done. If possible look at headshot samples and figure out which ones you like and why. If you can show your photographer the elements you like, the shoot will be easier for all involved. You should also bring your own music because it’s important to be relaxed, and your music will make you feel like you’re in your element. Get plenty of rest. (No partying the night before, unless you’re inviting me!)
What do I do once I’ve selected a photo? How many should I have made?

Look at it closely and see if there’s any light retouching you’d like to have done. Retouching is standard in this industry; don’t feel like you’re cheating if you need to have a zit removed! Decide what fonts and borders you like, then take it to a lab that specializes in headshots. Look for a printing lab that will give you a big discount for your second order, as most of them will. I recommend a first run of two hundred – 100 to send out, another 100 to hold on to for auditions.

What information goes on the headshot?

Your performing/modeling resume should be stapled to the back on all four corners. Include your name at the top (obvious, but people do forget!), your measurements, your contact information, your agent’s information and all relevant experience.

Anything else I should know going in?

Don’t make any unbreakable plans for the time immediately following your scheduled photo session. If for any reason you need more time to get the right shot, you don’t want to feel rushed. Most importantly, try to relax and look confident! Having nervous energy is normal, but hopefully your photographer can make you feel comfortable and bring out your inner superstar.

Stay in your Light

Of foremost importance – knowing where the main light is coming from. It seems that more and more of the lighting I see used in fashion magazines is an over-under-soft box set up. This creates a soft butterfly light, a term from classic portrait photography. It is also an idiot-proof lighting. For a model, all you have to do is stand and look at the camera. It is also a very flat, uninteresting light. If you have seen the photos of the Hollywood stars from the 30’s and 40’s you might remember how dramatic and glamorous they looked. A lot of that is from the dramatic lighting. For dramatic lighting to work, the person in front of the camera must position herself just right. With all of these light setups there is a single main light coming from one direction and you must learn how to use it. If the light is coming from the right you need to work to that direction. You may also find that a certain type or direction of light may make you look better. This is a difficult idea to grasp until you have done a few shoots – but it is best to be aware of it right from the start.

Hitting your Mark

Many product and dramatic lighting setups are designed for the model to be at a particular spot in the set up. It is important to be aware of how much you can move from that spot; how far forward, back, side to side and up and down from that mark you can move. If it is a very tight set up and requires you to say very close to your mark, then be-bopping and twirling around destroys the whole set up. When you move from your mark you throw off camera focus, move out of the light, destroy the alignment of the shot, and distort perspective. If you have a tight mark you must learn to do all of your action and poses within that tight space.

Over-under soft box

Blended Light Source Camera Format

The tightness of your mark, how the lighting is set up and how you might be able to move is often affected by the type of camera and film format that is being shot. A popular view of fashion modeling is being in front of the camera and dancing around seeing how many expressions you can come up with. You hear the camera click, the motor drive whir, and light flash. But what happens when you’re expected to hold a box of corn flakes in one hand, a spoon with milk and cereal in the other, while sitting at a table, trying to look like this is the greatest stuff you ever ate? Add on top of that a camera that not only has no motor drive but one that takes a single large piece of film that costs a small fortune and takes several minutes to reload after each shot. This is the type of modeling that they don’t show on TV but can make up a lot of the secondary market. What makes a big difference between these two shoots is the type of camera that is used.

The 35mm camera is often used for a fashion shoot. It is easy to hold and to move with. It can shoot lots of frames per second, and each frame of film is fairly cheap. This allows the model and the photographer to move freely and shoot a lot of frames of film. You don’t worry if many of the frames are no good as you can edit out later. But 35mm film is just too small for certain printing projects. The camera also lacks perspective and plane-of-focus controls. This means that if you’re modeling sitting on a new automobile and the photo is going to be used for a billboard you won’t get to twirl in front of a 35 mm camera. There are three formats of cameras: small – 35 mm, medium – 120 (70mm), and large – 4X5 to 8X10. As you move from small to large the cameras get larger, harder to hand-hold, harder to move with, slower to operate and more costly per frame to shoot with. This means that how you work in front of the camera has to change. With a 35mm camera you may move around and do different expressions as the photographer snaps away, with a 4×5 you may have to hold still and work to achieve the expression that is needed for several minutes before the shutter clicks. All of this becomes very clear when you get in front of these cameras for various types of shoots. Some of the wonderful work that was done by Penn for Vogue was done with the large format camera.

Framing

Another point that is important to understand is how much of you will show in the picture. Working full length is quite different from doing a tight head shot. With full length body posture, arm placement and leg position are very important. With a head shot, who cares what your body is doing, it’s the face and expression that is everything. Knowing how much of you is going to show allows you to concentrate on just the part that is showing.

What is the Photo Saying

All of the previous is dictated by one thing, what is the purpose of the shoot? Selection of lighting, focus, camera format, framing and you are determined by the purpose of the shoot. It is important for you to have some idea what the final photo is to convey. This will help you to understand your motivation and purpose in the photo. This helps you to know what sort of expressions, gestures, and poses you should do. If the photo is to sell grave-side services for a funeral home, then your winning smile that sells tooth paste just won’t do. I think a lot of photographers would rather view you as a collaborator in a photo rather than another prop to move around.

c/o modelingadvice.com ]]> http://www.tobeastar.com/tips-on-working-the-camera/feed/ 0 http://www.tobeastar.com/types-of-modeling/ http://www.tobeastar.com/types-of-modeling/#comments Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:55:14 +0000 Mariana Verkerk http://www.tobeastar.com/?p=501 The market determines what models are needed. These needs tend to cluster into market segments and allow us to look at types of models. It is important to understand the type of model you want to be. By understanding the type of modeling you are interested in you can learn what the requirements are and if you can meet them. This also helps in avoiding getting ripped off (more about this on the scam page). I have seen the greatest number of rip-offs and bad business decision happen when a wannabe model is thinking of one type of modeling (usually high fashion) and a scout, agent, photographer, etc. is recruiting for another (life style, Playboy glamour). So it is very important you understand what type of modeling you are interested in.

So what are some of the major markets and types of modeling?

FASHION MODELING

The Garment and Beauty product industries are large users of models. People want to see what clothes or beauty products look like on somebody. Your high-fashion, designer-label garments, are designed for what fashion designers view as the “ideal woman.” This is someone tall and slender, somewhat leggy, with a swan like neck and very young. In major markets like New York, this is someone who is 5′9″ to 6′ tall and from a size 8 to a size 0 depending on what is in. (How Rare) For men it is at least 6 foot tall and a 40 regular – of course, you have to have that “look” to go with the clothes. In secondary markets we would like to have this but often work with fashion models that don’t meet these measurements. It is more important you just have a look of being tall and slender and that the sample clothes will fit you. The “look” can run from classic beauty to some extreme looks for fashion magazine editorial.

If you are going to work in front of the camera you need to be photogenic, and this you won’t know until you do a test shoot. Usually the face is oval shape, with symmetry to the facial features. Eyes are almond shape. The cheekbones should be strong and nose straight and proportioned. Lips should be full. (more details) All of this just puts you in the general category; from there it is a matter of what the market demands are.

On the money – Top New York High Fashion models (there are just a handful of these folks) make more money then any other models (I have seen incomes as high as eight million a year). By contrast a model doing a fashion show at a local mall may get paid nothing. This shows the wide range of income one might expect in fashion modeling. Most folks who try to make it as fashion models will earn almost nothing so don’t quit your day job.

TYPES OF FASHION MODELING:

FASHION EDITORIAL MODELING

Vogue, Elle, Glamour, Cosmo, etc. – these and many other magazines today that focus on fashion have lots of editorial pages they must fill each month. Many of these editorial pages feature models wearing what the magazine thinks will be the next trend in fashion. Editorial work does not pay as well as other types of high fashion modeling but it is great for building a model’s reputation and getting tear sheets for one’s portfolio. Also, because fashion magazines are not as constrained as advertising work, they can use more ‘extreme’ and ’special beauty’ models in their pages.

FASHION RUNWAY MODELING

Clothing designers traditionally show their new collections twice a year (Fall and Spring) to perspective (store) buyers. (buyers is a key word here, if some one is putting on a fashion show without buyer then it is entertainment) As an example, the New York Ready Wear shows just finished with 110 designers presenting collections for Fall 2000 (post 9/11 the number of designers has fallen 30%). Designers present these collections to a gathering of buyers by sending models down a walkway or runway. How well a model brings the clothes to life and shows important features of the garments can determine how well they sell. So it is worth it to a designer to have the most ideal models show these collections. This leads to why models have to meet very strict requirements and why they get such high fees for this type of work (modeling agencies have also forced up fees). These young models tend to be very tall, slender and move very well in clothes.

FASHION CATALOG MODELING

There are a lot of clothing catalogs produced. (I know because my significant other gets most of them and tries to keep them all in business by constantly buying from them.) These catalogs, whether business-to-business, store, or direct marketing, require models to pose in the clothes they are trying to sell. (Except for Coldwater Creek who has done a brilliant job of styling their Spring clothing catalog without using any models.) Generally, catalog models are picked for a project because they represent the ideal of the market segment for which that catalog is targeted (not many 20 year olds in J. Jill catalog). Often times this is the classic beauty – tall, slender, healthy, and beautiful. The marketing idea is for transference, i.e. if you buy these clothes you will look as nice as the person pictured in the catalog. Catalog modeling usually pays well because of the volume of photos that must be taken. When I was sharing space with a couple of photographers who shot for a department store chain they could be shooting for weeks with models to produce one catalog. That is a lot of billable hours.

FASHION PRINT MODELING

This is fashion and beauty for print advertising. It can be display ads or collateral print materials. This is the most demanding work to get but pays the best because of usage and exclusives. These are the ads that can make or break a designer’s reputation. With these ads it is very important that the concept, photo, and model work perfectly to convey the ‘image’ that is wanted.

FASHION SHOW ROOM MODELING

Modeling for buyers in the designer’s show room.

FASHION LINGERIE MODELING

Because this type of modeling may be more revealing it requires very good body tone and proportions.

FASHION BATHING SUIT MODELING

Again, more revealing requires excellent body tone and a healthy look. A number of years ago (like 30, boy am I getting old) we had Jantzen and White Stag here in Portland. Back then I was a competitive swimmer and they would come around the pool and hire models from the swim team – in this case the models were very fit.

FASHION FITNESS MODELING

As health and fitness has moved more into the public consciousness a greater demand has grown in this type of modeling. Of course being in the city with the corporate headquarters for Nike, Adidas, and Columbia Sportswear makes it very noticeable here. Where once everyone exercised in baggy gray sweats, fitness attire continues to evolve and become more everyday wear. Add to this all of the fitness, health, and outdoor lifestyle magazines that are on the newsstands and you have a fast growing category for modeling.

FASHION FIT MODELING

Fit models have the perfect proportions for a given clothing size. Garment manufactures and designers hire fit models to use to piece together new creations, see how they move, and develop their patterns. The key for a fit model is to never gain or loose an inch. A clothing manufacturer may hire a fit model as a permanent salary position. It is one type of legitimate modeling that you can see advertised in the classified section of the newspaper. I used to see ads for fit models in our local newspaper for Jantzen and Pendleton.

FASHION TEAROOM MODELING

This once was very popular (the ’80s) in smaller markets. Usually it would be at ladies’ luncheons where models would wander between tables wearing designer clothes from local fashion boutiques. The models would describe the outfit they wore and where to buy it. Not big bucks, but a place to start and gain confidence in a small market.

FURTHER DIVISIONS

These categories can have further sub-categories for size – petite and plus, and for age – children, preteen, and mature. Petite size models usually are 5′2″ to 5′6″. Plus size is the same height as standard size models but size 14 -16. Main stream models usually start in around 14 years of age and go to their early twenties. Obviously pre-teen is before this age and mature is everything after it.

A category of modeling will only be found where there are clients to support it. Since almost all of the fashion magazines are based in New York, that is where you will find work in the fashion editorial modeling category.

A category of modeling will only be found where there are clients to support it. Since almost all of the fashion magazines are based in New York, that is where you will find work in the fashion editorial modeling category.

BODY PART MODELING

Body part modeling is a special category that belongs in both fashion and commercial modeling. This is the use of just part of the body in a photograph. Often standard models that look great in full-length shots or headshots don’t look so good close up. Their hands or feet may look horrible. This is where the body parts model comes in. We will set up a shoot using the standard model’s face but the body part model’s hands and it looks like it is just one person. Usually body part models will specialize in just one part of the body like hands, feet, legs, ears, or neck.

Hand models are one type of body part model that I have had more call for. With hand models we look for long slender graceful hand and fingers. We also look for smooth (no wrinkles, hair or large pours), clear (no blemishes or irregular color) skin, and very good nails. The ability to pose the hand in a relaxed graceful fashion is very important. This is like a hula dancer that can tell a story with their hands and avoid what I call “the claw” that most folks produce when put in front of the camera.

Body parts model follow a similar path as regular models with finding modeling agencies, building portfolios and having comp cards. They simply pursue a very special niche market.

COMMERCIAL MODELING

Commercial modeling is sort of the catch all for everything that isn’t fashion and isn’t glamour. It is vast and diverse. The physical requirements can vary greatly. The ‘look’ can be mom, business executive, scientist, glamorous beauty, etc. The pay can be good but not to the level of the top fashion model and commercial models tend to find work less often. But it can be an area on can work part time at their whole life. Again, the purpose is to sell something – a product, service, or idea.

TYPES OF COMMERCIAL MODELING:

COMMERCIAL PRODUCT MODELING

Generally we are generating a photo to sell a product and the model is used to show how the product is used. Also, model may be used to convey an image about a product. An example would be a model dressed like a doctor holding a blood pressure device. This gives an image of medical authority being behind the product. There is also the old Madison Avenue technique of selling a product by putting someone attractive by it. Although it may not be politically correct to do this, it still is done and it works. People stop to look at a pretty face, not at another vanilla computer box. The physical requirements and look for commercial product modeling can vary a great deal. It all depends on the image or story you are trying to tell. This is where character models are used.

COMMERCIAL LIFESTYLE MODELING

Models are used in photos showing a period of life or doing something in life. The photo might be an older couple walking on the beach and the photo is used in the advertising materials for a new retirement resort. Or a photo of a young couple playing in a park with their children and the photo is used in an ad for a life insurance company. The models are used to act out some concept or idea of life. The physical requirements, age, size, etc. can vary greatly. But most often they use the “beautiful people” in these photos rather then real folks off the street.

COMMERCIAL CORPORATE MODELING

Corporate modeling is like Lifestyle but it always has a business theme. Again physical requirements can vary greatly, but usually attractive people are used – although sometimes character models are used.

PRODUCT DEMO MODELING

In smaller markets this seems to be a favorite area to start models. Models stand in front of, or in a store or mall, and hand out free samples of something. The idea is they want someone attractive that people will be drawn to and will work for just a few hours or a few days. When you are young and starting out this pays better then any regular job and it can really build your confidence around people.

TRADE SHOW MODELING

Once again attractive people are attention getters. When a trade show comes to town some exhibitors may hire models to hand out literature at their booths. One of the classics examples of this is the auto show. Again, it gives some income when you are starting out and gets you in front of the public.

SPORTS/FIT MODELING

This is kind of lumping a lot together but this has been a growing area in modeling. With sport attire companies like Nike and the increase number of personal sports, fitness and outdoor magazines the need for models that look like they actually know what they are doing has grown. The idea is to look good and actual be proficient at the activity being photographed.

HOBBY MODELING

This is modeling for the fun of it, to help out a cause or a place to get started. Some folks may never make a living at modeling but enjoy being in front of the camera or being on the runway. It also ties in with organization that might put on a fashion show as a fundraiser. There have also been cases where some one may start modeling just for fun and this may some day lead to a career.

ALTERNATIVE MODELING

This term has been coined for the whole gothic/punk modeling. This is a very specialize niche.

WARM BODY MODELING

This is may own term (unflattering as it is) . This is where you just need someone to put in a photo. When doing an outdoor tourist bureau type photos you often find you need someone hiking a trail or standing at an overlook, this is where you need a warm body to help animate the photo. This type of modeling does not pay much and may even be done on spec, but if you like doing outdoors or tourist activities it is a chance to make a dollar while having fun. This type of modeling can be open to all ages and sizes.

GLAMOUR MODELING

I am getting a lot of young visitors (under 18) to this site so I won’t go into this too deeply. Glamour modeling is modeling for photos with a sexual theme. This might be a simple cheesecake or beefcake photo. They can include bikini, sexy outfits and lingerie modeling. On the cheesecake level, photos can be used for calendars, posters, and other pin-up girl products. You can’t pick up a car magazine without seeing a babe by the car or truck. As one moves to greater states of undress you move to the adult entertainment industry with high-end men’s magazines like Playboy and then on down to the low-end back-ally magazines. But it is the Internet that dominates this field and is now loaded with all levels of sexual model photos. Glamour modeling and its triple X component is a very big industry. Top glamour models can make as much as top fashion models. But what is different from other types of modeling is all grade levels in glamour modeling can make good money. There are no height or size requirements as in fashion modeling. Where fashion modeling wants you to look like a beanstalk, glamour modeling wants you to have curves like a young Pamela Anderson. Where fashion may want a ’special beauty look’, glamour modeling wants traditional drop dead gorgeous; where fashion really only happens in New York, glamour can happen anywhere and does.

You have to be over 18 to do glamour modeling even cheesecake. With the way the laws are today a photographer runs a real risk doing any kind of sexy photo with someone under 18. With news story reporting mothers are being thrown in jail for photographing their own children taking a bath and putting the photo in a family album, I think the risk is too great and the return too small to do any glamour work with someone under 18. But this field is wide open once one is of legal age. Unlike fashion modeling where you career is over by the time you are 30 with glamour your career could be just getting started. There is even demand good looking grandmothers in their 50’s and 60’s.

This field is easy to get started in, as there are a lot of photographers who would love to do test shoots and photo assignments on spec. Finding work and getting test shoots has been made easy with several web sites that cater to this field, although getting top high paying work can take as much effort as becoming a high fashion model. I will leave details and how this is all done to some other web sites. But a couple of references are Teezemagazine.com that covers the bikini, lingerie market and adultmodelingbook.com for a how to book on success as an adult internet model.

c/o modelingadvice.com

You’re not a superficial girl. You love your guy for his fun-loving personality, warm heart, and goofy smile, and you don’t even mind his bedhead and scruffy face. But when his fashion sense takes a turn for the worst, it’s not only your right but also your duty to set him straight. Sure, he may dress like it’s still 1990, and maybe he hasn’t realized that sweatpants and T-shirts don’t really qualify as big-boy clothes, but that doesn’t mean you have to hit below the belt. When it comes to guys and their questionable clothes, stealth is the key to upgrading his style successfully.

Drop a Hint
Even if his ripped jeans and outdated sweaters make you cringe, you don’t need to shout it from the rooftops. Keep it cool by subtly dropping hints whenever he wears something that you like. Try “I really like that color on you” or “I love it when you wear jeans.” If he knows what clothes you like on him, he’s more likely to wear them again, and will hopefully (fingers crossed, ladies) get the idea to buy more outfits just like them.

Take Advantage of Holidays
He may not buy fashionable clothes for himself, but that doesn’t limit your options for gift-giving. Keep an eye out throughout the year for shirts and accessories that you can sneak in with his favorite CD or chocolate chip cookies. When you gradually build up his new collection, he won’t even notice all the new stuff he’s wearing … or that some of his old favorites have “mysteriously” disappeared. (You didn’t hear it from me.)

Pick Your Battles
Relationships are all about give-and-take. If you really want to help him with his style, you’ve got to teach him, not just dress him. On a rainy afternoon, drag him to the mall for a quick tutorial on good fashion for guys. Show him new colors and styles that he might not have tried before, but also be prepared to give in a little. If he loves his tattered gray hoodie, let him keep it, but pair it with new jeans, a crisp cotton shirt, and clean sneakers. By letting him keep a part of his style sense, you’ll be more likely to see him make a lasting change for the better.

c/o cosmogirl.com

Meeting your boyfriend’s friends can be like meeting his second family. Chances are their opinion of you may matter to him the most. Don’t let this scare you though, let it reinforce you’re desire to get to know them. Impress the guys with these three tips.

1)Keep your distance from your guy
His friends will notice if you never leave his side and talk in baby talk to your boyfriend the entire time you’re hanging out. Everyone hates the couple that acts too lovey-dovey in a big group. Save the mush for later, and make sure everyone feels comfortable. It’s fine to stick to your guys side in the beginning, but don’t attach yourself to his hip all night long.

2)Be one of the guys
If you don’t normally tell fart jokes or yell at the TV during a football game, you don’t need to do so to impress them. Don’t wait for them to ask you questions, jump right in and start a conversation. Mention something your boyfriend has mentioned about them. If Jimmy likes music, ask him what his favorite band is and what concerts he’s attended. Greet them by telling them you’ve heard a lot about them and are so happy to finally meet them. Try to break the ice by telling a joke. Memorize a few to keep on hand and to keep the laughs coming.

3)Don’t worry… Show them your personality
If his friends know you solely as their friend’s girlfriend, they’ll never get to know the real you. Just act like yourself. He likes you for a reason, and his friends will like you for those reasons too. Guys are generally easygoing, so don’t treat this like a formal event. Unless you decide to be too quiet or even worse, obnoxious — then there may be some problems.

c/o cosmogirl.com

Listen to Your Gut
Every girl has an inner monologue that defines who she is and guides her actions. If you feel out of your comfort zone, you may not be listening to yours. Think about how your single self would have imagined your coupled self as behaving. If you’re going against that, it may be time to slow down. Trust your instincts — you know what is right for you.

Do Your Thing
Now that you’re in a relationship, you have to think about someone else’s feelings almost as much as you do your own. But it’s still important to always be yourself, and not just someone’s girlfriend. You may be feeling like you are moving too fast because you’re spending all your free time with the other person. You can’t forget to do what you love to do. Take a class you’ve always wanted to, or read that book you’ve been meaning to read. Doing stuff for yourself will only make the both of you stronger.

Be a Friend
You’ve got to be yourself and you’ve got to be there for your sweetie, but you can’t forget about your friends. They’re the ones who were there before and will be there if there’s an after. But it’s easy to become all wrapped up in love and forget about everyone else who’s important to you. Spend some time with your girls — they know the real you and will help keep you from doing things that you’re not ready for. And, of course, they would love to see you!

Be Honest
You should be able to tell your honey how you feel. Everything may seem perfect on the outside and you may think that saying you want to slow things down will ruin it. But if he’s worth it, he’ll know that you’re worth the wait. It may sound cheesy, but if he respects you, he will go at your pace. And remember, just because you may not be ready to be completely attached at the hip or to experiment sexually doesn’t mean that you two can’t have a blast really getting to know each other.

c/o cosmogirl.com ]]> http://www.tobeastar.com/how-to-slow-down/feed/ 0 http://www.tobeastar.com/top-10-signs-hes-flirting-with-you/ http://www.tobeastar.com/top-10-signs-hes-flirting-with-you/#comments Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:35:40 +0000 Donna Barnes http://www.tobeastar.com/?p=497 1. The Eyebrow Lift

When a guy first sees a girl he’s attracted to, chances his eyebrows will rise and fall. Quickly.
(You can slip the flip of an eyebrow back at him, if you’re interested – it’s a clear signal both ways.)

2. Gaining Your Attention

Exaggerated movements or gestures usually mean that he’s trying to stand out from the crowd.
He may shift positions so that he is standing slightly apart from his friends or a group of people.

3. Slight Parting of the Lips

His lips may automatically part for a second when your eyes first meet.

4. His Nostrils Open Slightly – Face Widens

As his eyebrows raise and nostrils flare slightly so with the parted lips, he has an open, friendly expression on his face.

5. He Shifts to the Classic Male Courship Stance

The macho stance (cowboy style) – he’ll probably lock his thumbs in his belt or belt loops, point his fingers downwards, spread his legs about shoulder distance apart and tilt his head to one side.

6. Touches His Own Face

He may rub his chin, brush his cheek with the back of his fingers or touch his ears.
(He may not realize this is a combination of nerves and unconscious preening behavior.)

7. Strokes His Shirt Front, Smoothes his Jeans

More unconscious preening – smoothing a shirt sleeve, tie, shirt pocket.
(The equivalent of the female lip lick.)

8. Fiddles with His Hair

He may smooth or tussle his hair involuntarily and more often than you might realize – again preening for you…

9. Eyebrows Arc While Talking

He may, accidentally, exhibit a slightly surprised expression with slightly raised eyebrows – which means he is interested in you.
(Forget the guy who looks at you with a smooth, relaxed brow and eyes – he thinks you’re boring. You probably think he’s boring so drop your eyebrows and more on.)

10. Sock Adjustment

If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it’s an almost 100 per cent sign he’s interested and trying to look his best. The big preening signal…

c/o links2love.com

There are three extremely trying times to choose the right clothes for the occasion: job interviews, first dates and meeting the parents nights. First date dressing is tough because you usually don’t know the other person well enough to predict what will be attractive to him. You want to look fabulous but not unattainable, chic but not cheap. Add to the problem that you may or may not be familiar with where you are going, and you have the perfect explanation for women who choose to stay home in a chenille robe with a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck and a box of microwave kettle corn.

Let’s go over some first date dress basics. Maybe you’ll get lucky and I’ll have an idea you haven’t already considered.

Any ideas on where you going on your first date?

If you can, have a conversation with your date to find out where you’re going. But be simple with your questions to make sure you dont’ sound to controlling. This will help immeasurably, even if you can just get a sense of the formality of the occasion. A good tip is it’s always better to be a little overdressed. We’ve all at some time or another ended up at the baseball game in a frilly, walk-in-the-park sundress, which beats hell out of going to see Itzhak Perlman wearing skateboarding pants (which happened to me once).

Advice On Shoes: Comfortable vs. Sexy

Find out if you will be walking, and if so, how far. If the guy’s at all exercise or nature oriented, double or triple the estimate he gives you and you’ll probably come close to the truth. (And if he flat-out lies about how far the walk is, don’t go out with him a second time. Use this estimate to choose the durability and support of your shoes, and if you aren’t confident, pack along some cuter, (invariably less comfortable) shoes in a bag.

The Little Black Dating Dress

If you’re having the classic dinner date in a place created to impress women on first dates, the choice is simple. There is no substitute for the little black dress (known in fashion circles as LBD). It is equivalent to the men’s fashion outfit: the classic dark grey suit. If you don’t have one of these must-haves, get out the catalogs, visit your favorite designer on-line and choose the version that suits you best.
Add a purse, pumps and stole to match, and there you have it. For premium wearability, your LBD should be of medium length, and although the classic is sleeveless (meant to be worn with opera-length gloves), choose the sleeve length based on your comfort.

The little black dress saw Audrey Hepburn’s character through most of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t wear yours to parties, first dates and anytime you want to feel absolutely classic. Vary your jewelry and accessories, and you can wear it to work, for lunch in the park, shopping with the girls and dancing with the boys (or the other way ’round, if you prefer).

The Coffee or Lunch Day time Date

If your date has read the advice columns that say to take the pressure off by having a coffee date or a daytime date, you can expect to dress more casually. In this case, it doesn’t much matter what you wear (as long as it’s neat and put-together), because you already know they guy is either nervous or non-committal. In the first case, you can graciously put him at ease: in the second, you can keep him guessing.

Choice of the low-impact date does not indicate a man’s potential as a long-term romance. Cheapskates and guys who aren’t sure they want to “really” date will choose the daytime scenario because it’s simple and cheap. They get exposure without investment. Nice guys and shy guys will choose this date because of its low-drama possibilities. They get to be with you without having to act like Cary Grant. Nice guys and shy guys will either up the ante or wait quietly in agony for you to express interest in seeing them again. Cheapskates will expect you to pay for your own coffee. Non-committal guys will say they’ll call you, then won’t.

I want to add an aside about the coffee comment above. I struggled with this question for years, and paid for a lot of coffee (and dated several cheapskates) until I figured out the flaw in the feminist tao. You see, feminists are expected to buy their own stuff, and sometimes the guy’s stuff too, in order to show how liberated we really are. The mindset is, if you’re going to be “freer” than non-feminists, you should expect to pay your own way. The fact is, if you adhere to this policy, you will be less free than other women because you will have less money. The other important fact to consider is that women still earn about 60% of what their male counterparts earn. Until we’re paid equally, men should always buy the coffee.

There is a creepy idea (often unspoken, often assumed) that if a woman in not planning to become sexually involved with a man, she should pay half. If you ask me, that’s selling sex pretty cheap. I say, forget all that crap and hang out with guys who don’t have a problem buying your coffee and dinner or waiting until you’re good and ready before making any moves on you. Besides all that, if you’re dating because you’re looking for a commitment, you want a guy who’s going to be willing and able to pay on a mortgage, and later, for child support. His willingness to shell out $2.50 for a latte is a very slight indicator of his potential, but it’s better than nothing.

Who Should Pay on the First Date? Guy vs. Girl

Although you shouldn’t expect to pay for things on a first date, bring along plenty of available funding. At least enough for cab fare home.

If you think he’s the sincere type and you want to show that you like him (without saying anything scary like, “I like you”), you might add an element to your daytime-date outfit that you don’t wear every day just to acknowledge that something nice is happening on this day. Wear a pair of pants one shade nicer than what you usually wear, or trade walking shoes for pumps. Don’t make big changes in makeup, though. Men have definite feelings about and reactions to make-up, and if your face looks noticeably different, he will become frightened and disoriented.

Wedding and Special Occassion Party Dates

Part of the way we judge a potential relationship is by the events we attend together. In straight relationships, going to a wedding with a date is an automatic increase in that relationship’s potential intimacy, if the man has invited the woman along. If the woman invites the man and he’s not ready for the commitment of witnessing someone else’s commitment, he will either decline, bail at the last minute, or attend with great discomfort and break off the relationship soon after.

In same or opposite-sex couples, asking someone to attend a wedding with you is a bold maneuver to be taken on only if you’re sure your relationship is ready for it, or if you want the other person to break up with you. (A sit-com scenario. Someone asks a woman, “What do you say if you want to get rid of a guy?” Her answer: “I say, ‘I love you and I want to have your babies’”.

If you get asked to a wedding on a first date, you’re either with a social inept, a potential stalker, someone who’s been in love with you from afar for ten years, someone who thinks it’ll be a good way to get laid, or someone who has nothing left to lose. For these reasons, I would not accept such a first date, eliminating the need for discussing what to wear at such a debacle.

Dates to Baseball or Sporting Event Games

Jeans or chinos, a hat, layers, and bring a thick sweater if you live near the sea. Nothing too sexy, nothing that can’t be washed if you have beer spilled on you or if you sit in gum.

The Sleaze Factor: Don’t Dress Too Sexy

It’s tempting to dress as sexy as the magazine models, but in the harsh light of day or the romantic candlelight of evening, it rarely works out that way. Sexy has a way of turning sleazy when you least expect it. The artistry of dressing to impress means utilizing restraint, so save the micro-minis and see-through tops for those rumpus-filled evenings at home and opt for looking pretty in public.

c/o freebeautytips.org

Dating safety is even more important to focus on than ever before, as crimes like date rape are growing in number. While most single women crave romance, it’s important for singles to be careful about who they date, the information they give to their date and other private information they choose to share with someone they’ve just met. With online dating services like the Match.com site and eHarmony bringing a new sense of privacy and technology to the dating process via the Internet, it’s vital for singles to not only rely on what someone says in their personals profile and use their common sense for ultimate dating safety.

Use these dating safety tips and advice before and during your date:

Preparing For Your Date

Whether you meet your date in the grocery store or got to know each other via chat, online ads and other online ways to communicate, it’s important to prepare for the date with safety in mind. While security and protection might be the last thing on your mind as you are excited for the date, it’s important to protect yourself from a possible scam artist or bona fide jerk. Before the date, do a quick online investigation to be sure your date isn’t wanted for a crime or to ensure no other unknown bad news is posted online about him. If you find anything disturbing, simply cancel the date.

Security Items

While it may seem ridiculous to you, stashing a can of pepper spray (or even a pepper spray disguised as a discreet lipstick) or other security item in your purse before the date might be a great idea. You never know what type of person you’ll be meeting and being prepared can make a difference if things go sour.

Meeting Your Date

It’s a great idea for you not to disclose where you live to a date, especially until you get to know him better. While your father would likely die knowing a date didn’t pick you up at your house, it’s safer for you to maintain your privacy and meet in public. So, for the first few dates (at least) be sure to plan public meetings and be sure your date doesn’t follow you home afterward.

Affectionate Dates

If you happen to be on a date with an affectionate man who is moving way too quickly for you, be sure to take note. If your date’s advances make you feel uncomfortable, you should firmly tell your date their behavior is bothersome. If you feel in danger, be sure to call the authorities or a friend to meet you immediately at the place of your date and refuse to go on another date with this person in the future.

It’s always a good idea to pre-arrange for a friend to call during the date to ensure you’re safe. Coming up with a keyword phrase is a good way for you to let your friend know you’re ok or not ok while chatting on the phone. While it may seem rude to use your phone during the date, it’s a good idea for a first date for you to have someone check in with you. Also, remember your gut instincts are usually right about people, so follow them!

While these dating security tips might seem a little overboard, the truth is there are many men out there willing to take advantage of single women. This is especially true if they know the female hasn’t been out into the dating world for long. So, keep yourself safe and protected by being prepared in advance and while on your date!

c/o freebeautytips.org